How to Put Yourself First and Feel Like the Best Version of You.
Raise your hand if you were taught that having needs is a bad thing, something you should be ashamed of?
Raise your hand if you worry that you will let other people down if you put yourself first?
Raise your hand if you feel guilty when you take time for yourself?
Raise your hand if you suppress your anger for putting others first and take it out on yourself?
Raise your hand if you bite your tongue (metaphorically) because you don’t want to create conflict?
It’s no wonder that you’re struggling to both recognize your needs and desires and fulfill them.
The truth is that you’ve been conditioned to buy into this notion that you aren’t worth it, that being validated and accepted comes from other people so you give your power away to them.
If you do say “no” and make yourself unavailable it stirs up all this discomfort and internal conflict.
And because you already struggle to feel worthy and deserving it’s just easier to say ‘Yes’
Putting yourself first is a right, not a privilege.
How you feel each day and your well-being is your responsibility.
Before you take any action, start by just developing the awareness of when your pattern to please and sacrifice is happening.
In what situations, do you feel the urge to meet someone else’s need?
What tends to happen is that you will start to notice it way more than you thought. It’s kind of like shopping for a car and all of the sudden you see white Audi suvs everywhere.
You’ll think “Oh, I’m doing that thing again.”
See if you can pause and check-in with yourself. What is my mind saying, how is my body feeling? What am I really wanting right now?
And once you have identified that, you can start to explore how you want to get those needs met and who you need to communicate that information to and how to do it safely.
Write down your needs (and don’t judge them, nurture them like you would a child)
Brainstorm all the different ways you might be able to meet them
Ask yourself if anyone else needs to be involved in the process
Imagine what you can say to them
Rehearse saying what you need to say in the bathroom mirror
Pick a day, put that activity in your calendar
Now you are ready to take the final action step and claim that time for you by following through on your plan.
After you do it, send me a comment and tell me how it felt and what you chose to do for you.
In my 1:1 Finally Free Coaching Program, I teach women the skills to go from feeling burnt out, frustrated, and exhausted, to speaking up for themselves, understanding their needs and setting healthy boundaries so they feel good about themselves, feel empowered, and show up in the world more confidently.
And if you want some personalized support, a friend and coach to join you on the journey, shoot me a message and we will map out a personalized strategy on how you can prioritize your needs, reclaim your sense of worthiness and confidence and look and feel like the best version of yourself.